Pairings/Characters: Clark/Bruce, Ollie/Dinah, Steve/Diana, Lian Harper, Dick/Roy, Alfred Pennyworth
Genres: Fluff, Holiday, Humor, Romance
Summary: When Bruce and Ollie decide on a cooking competition, woe unto the kitchen! ;)
Date Of Completion: November 14, 2012
Date Of Posting: November 20, 2012
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em, DC does, more’s the pity.
Word Count: 1319
Feedback welcome and appreciated.
Author’s Notes: Written for my 2012 LJ Sixth Anniversary Fic Request Meme for malkavianlove. Characters: Bruce + Ollie. Prompt: Something involving Bruce and Ollie being competitive. Also written for my 2012 DcU Fic Art Silver Bells Winter Holidays Challenge. Prompt: Silver Summoning Bell. Finally, written for saavikam77’s 2012 DCU_Free_For_All Winter Holidays Challenge. Prompt No. 7: Feast and Prompt No. 8: Family/Home/Shelter/Hearth.
The entire series can be found here.
November 22, 2012 C.E.
“No, I’m not.”
Batman glared at Green Arrow as the archer leaned back in his chair with a smug smile on his face. They were sitting in the Watchtower cafeteria and Batman crossed his arms.
Green Arrow smirked. “You’re just chicken.”
The Dark Knight’s eyes narrowed.
Superman, Black Canary, Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor were heading over to the table with their meals.
Green Arrow said, “I dare you.” Batman stared stonily. “I double dare you!”
Batman ground out, “You’re on.”
The three costumed heroes groaned. Steve asked, “What?”
“My darling, you are about to witness a Wayne/Queen competition!” Diana said.
Ollie’s staff was gone for Thanksgiving so that they could enjoy the holiday with their own families. The kitchen was now a scene of barely-controlled chaos. Cabinets were opened, bowls, cookie sheets and cutting boards were scattered across the counter, and four large thawed turkeys were plunked in pans next to a corkboard with sheets of paper tacked to it. The words TURKEY HOTLINE TIPS were etched in bold, black letters at the top of the first sheet.
The kitchen door opened a crack and a pair of green eyes peered in. The observer watched for a few minutes and then closed the door.
“The kitchen’s a mess!” Lian announced as she scampered into the living room.
The adults in the room gave out a collective groan to her delight. She bounced to her father’s side and snuggled up against him on the couch. Roy laughed and ruffled her hair.
“A mess sounds about right.” Dinah rolled her eyes. “It’s a good thing Cook’s on leave, though she’ll kill Ollie when she gets back.”
“Sounds like she rules the roost,” Dick said with a grin.
“Like Alfred?” Dinah smirked.
Clark and Diana shook their heads. “Men,” Diana said.
“Right on, Sister!” Dinah shook her fist in the air.
“Should we allow them free rein in the kitchen?” Clark asked worriedly.
Sweet Clark. Dinah smiled. “If they start a fire, we do have someone who can fly faster than a speeding bullet and blow out the flames with his super-breath.”
“Gee, I guess so.”
The doorbell rang and Diana jumped up. “I’ll get it!”
Dinah followed on her way to the kitchen. She saw Diana open the door and welcome Steve, who looked crisp in his dress blues. Dinah waved and opened the kitchen door a crack.
“I’m making bread stuffing” Ollie declared.
“I’m making hamburger stuffing,” countered Bruce.
“I’m making homemade cranberry sauce.”
“I’m making pumpkin pie from scratch.”
“Are those turkeys thawed out yet?” Ollie rapidly peeled potatoes while Bruce cut up yams.
“Let’s put them in the oven. They’ll cook nice ‘n’ slow all night.”
Bruce frowned. “We have to take the guts out first.”
“Ugh, yeah. Flip ya for who gets the third bird.”
Dinah quietly closed the door and retreated to the foyer.
“So, Beloved, we are in the midst of a cooking crisis.” Diana smiled at Steve.
Dinah sighed theatrically. “Yes, it’s like an Iron Chef cook-off in there.”
Steve laughed. “Oh, boy, that sounds like trouble.” He cocked an eyebrow. “The Iron Bat versus the Iron Arrow?”
Dinah grinned. “Yeah, that's right.” She waved toward the living room. “This way, darlings.”
Steve was greeted by the others and he and Diana sat on the couch next to Lian, who loved the shiny buttons on his uniform. “So it’s basically a battle of two stubborn guys?”
“You’ve nailed it right on the head.” Dinah crossed her legs. “Stubborn to the end.”
“And very much alike,” said Diana.
“Oh, yes.” Dinah ticked off her fingers. “Rich kids, paparazzi darlings, mentors, non-powered heroes, stubborn, arrogant, competitive, and Lian’s granddaddies!” Dinah ruffled Lian’s hair as the little girl giggled.
“Let’s add know-it-alls,” said Roy.
“And disasters in the kitchen,” Dick added.
“If Cook didn’t have a family emergency, she’d already have dinner in the early stages for Thanksgiving.” Dinah sighed. “Thank goodness she made some dishes early so we have something in reserve. So many people coming and those two running rampant in the kitchen!”
Clark rolled up his flannel sleeves. “Then we have to stop the nonsense and start cooking!”
An explosion startled everyone and six heroes ran to the kitchen, Roy telling Lian to stay on the couch. Clark opened the kitchen door and acrid black smoke billowed out, everyone coughing and waving the smoke away.
Clark dashed in and blew the fire out on the stove with his super-breath, Diana yanking open a window while Roy opened the back door.
“What is going on?” Dinah demanded, hands on hips.
Bruce and Ollie looked sheepish, soot on both faces. Ollie coughed and said, “Well, um, we miscalculated some ingredients.”
“Honestly, you two ought to come with warning labels!”
Diana leaned over Bruce’s shoulder. “What is that?”
Bruce defensively covered the bowl. “Bread stuffing.”
“Oh, darling, you have quite a mess there.”
Dick took one look and blanched. “Thank god Alfred isn’t here to see this!”
The tinkle of a summoning silver bell startled them. “You would be quite mistaken, Master Dick.”
Every head turned to see Alfred standing in the kitchen doorway holding the bell as if summoning help. In actuality, he was the help.
“Hallelujah!” Dinah said. She hurried over to the elderly gentleman. “You’re a lifesaver, Alfred!”
“I am most happy to be of service, Miss Dinah.” He looked at Bruce and tutted. “Master Bruce, you know you should not be allowed unattended in the kitchen.” Ollie laughed. “Nor you, Master Oliver.” Bruce smirked.
Dinah rolled her eyes. “Gentlemen, clean up your mess. Now, Alfred, what do you need?”
Alfred observed the scorched tiles behind the stove and the pot with its contents boiled over onto the burner, the utter chaos of the counter littered with peelings, a flour-dusted cutting board, and scraps of paper and food. The cherry on top of the sundae, as Dick would say, were the two billionaires standing in the midst of all this chaos covered in flour and soot. A bay leaf was stuck in Bruce’s hair, which Clark deftly plucked out.
Alfred began issuing orders, and everyone jumped to obey the ringing bell.
The next day, Dinah surveyed her kitchen with satisfaction. Last night dishes had been prepared and the turkeys placed in the oven for slow overnight cooking. Alfred had been the consummate general and his troops had scrubbed, cleaned, cooked, and endlessly teased Bruce and Ollie, who snarked back. She laughed at the memory of Clark licking flour off Bruce’s neck. She smirked as she remembered helping wash off the flour from Ollie in the shower.
Now she and Ollie were hosting Thanksgiving for the superhero community: the Arrows, Bats, Supers, Wonders, Flashes, Lanterns, Hawks and more. The menu was traditional with a few distinctive dishes: brown rice with celery and for dessert, peanut butter chocolate pie in addition to the more traditional pumpkin and apple pies. There was also apple chutney and mixed greens with a tart dressing that was homemade: green apple with a touch of vinegar. The traditional dishes were doing just fine: sweet potatoes with tiny marshmallows and cinnamon, homemade cranberry sauce, yams, garden salad, bread and hamburger stuffing, and buttery mashed potatoes with chives. The four turkeys had cooked up to perfection, and her mouth was watering for them now.
She had started setting the dining room table before Alfred had requested her presence in the kitchen and now was heading back when she heard Bruce say through the louvred doors, “I can make a better centerpiece than that.”
“Ha, you’re kidding! I can create a work of art and use the best china to make this the best setting ever.” Ollie’s voice was smug.
Dinah shrieked, “Nooo!!!” as she dashed toward the dining room.